I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
