handjob tips. give me some.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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