Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
