i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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