Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
