your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
