wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
