I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
