Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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