I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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