I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
