I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
