shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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