You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
