glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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