i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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