hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
