You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
