then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
