My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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