Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
