She is in my trunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
