dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Randomize
