Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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