I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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