I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize