Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
