pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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