Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
