I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
