Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
