Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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