I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
