Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
