I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
