shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
