btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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