my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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