xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
