Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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