I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
