he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
