He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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I fill condoms, not promises.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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