I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
