It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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