Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
