Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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