the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
