I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize