This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
