I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
