is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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