I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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