Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
