so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
