Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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