I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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