med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
