I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
