did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
