Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
