Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.