you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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