I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....