Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same