I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.