But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once