Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

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  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (10289) Bad night (801)
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm passing your future prison.

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  (619): I'm passing your future prison. http://tfl.nu/j7g6
  Replies (15) Good night (4434) Bad night (1107)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  yes... and buy you lunch

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  (216): wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer? (330): yes... and buy you lunch http://tfl.nu/rnfb
  Replies (24) Good night (8170) Bad night (819)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her

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  (917): she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her http://tfl.nu/pixb
  Replies (6) Good night (913) Bad night (3954)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter

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  (440): Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter http://tfl.nu/frpq
  Replies (8) Good night (2509) Bad night (1212)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.

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  (201): Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom. http://tfl.nu/isil
  Replies (20) Good night (1729) Bad night (2978)
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  (510): View more from California

  Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"

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  (510): Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU" http://tfl.nu/83a4
  Replies (7) Good night (2639) Bad night (936)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.

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  (859): I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn. http://tfl.nu/8uge
  Replies (5) Good night (1555) Bad night (1108)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.

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  (859): Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss. http://tfl.nu/wyge
  Replies (12) Good night (4450) Bad night (1200)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??

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  (580): Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come?? http://tfl.nu/rcqs
  Replies (7) Good night (1232) Bad night (618)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?

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  (502): Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work? http://tfl.nu/ejxj
  Replies (8) Good night (957) Bad night (667)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea

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  (269): So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea http://tfl.nu/13gp
  Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (1744)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on

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  (405): Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on http://tfl.nu/n0jv
  Replies (4) Good night (276) Bad night (497)
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  (347): View more from New York

  It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her

  (718): View more from New York

  What is this high school

  (347): View more from New York

  There was a lot of catching up to do bro

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  (347): It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her (718): What is this high school (347): There was a lot of catching up to do bro http://tfl.nu/bof4
  Replies (4) Good night (905) Bad night (389)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.

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  (801): My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company. http://tfl.nu/z43d
  Replies (1) Good night (283) Bad night (380)

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