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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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