Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
