went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.