it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
