My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
