I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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