I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
