why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
