i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
