Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
