she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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