oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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