I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
