Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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