do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
