I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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