i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We are all done wearing pants today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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